The thought manifests as the word.

I finally figured it out. I pick men I know I can't have therefore they can never let me down. I have placed such high expectations on relationships that disappointment is inevitable. I grew up in a world lost in the pages. As little girls most dream of marrying prince charming, I was consumed by the Mr. Darcys, Rochesters, and Rhett Butlers. I convinced myself that however imperfect these loves may be they all had one unifying component: intensity. These couples experienced a love so strong it hurt. I want that. I want to fall so hard for someone I simply can not bear the thought of a moment of his absence. Spoiler alert: it's rare, endangered, and quite possibly ancient folklore. I have put this ideal love so high on a pedestal that no man can possible live up to my expectations. Back to square one: Why I ever fell for the one I fell for. I knew he would never settle down, was superficial, and had parked me in the friend zone long before. Why not fall for him? If I could never have him, my perfect idea of what could be would never be crushed. Reality is built upon crushed dreams...on the naive and somewhat pathetic dreamworld of a girl who refuses to accept the truth. I am not looking for perfection. I want a companionship worthy of telling, a story of such intensity only ink could contain it, and a man I am beyond lucky to have found. Another part of my self realization is that I am not ready for this kind of love. I'm too damned young to find something as such so soon. Hence, why I fell for who I fell for. I may yearn for this love, look for it around every corner, and intensify it every time I read Pride and Prejudice, but I find it in my hope. At least there it's real. A thought I can't undo. 
"The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into habit. And the habit hardens into character." --Buddha